Just Give Me A Reason

Remember when I said I was confident what I want for my future? Yeah, that lasted all of two minutes. Instead, I keep ricocheting back and forth between abject terror at having no idea what I want with no prolonged happiness in sight and being mildly numb or content with the idea of meandering onto a career path.

Source: Startup Stock Photos

My gut doesn't speak to me in truths anymore. What I'm absolutely sure of one moment can dissolve within seconds. I can't seem to listen to my heart, gut, instinct, soul, or whatever because I keep being led astray. I don't know how to buckle down and get to the root out of what I want in life.

Right now, in a moment of relative calm I feel okay with the uncertainty. A few of the jobs that I've been applying to are truly appealing and my fingers are crossed that I'll find something that feels right. Maybe I'm overthinking my future too much, trying to control every aspect. Perhaps I just need to let things happen.

The one thing I'm sure of is that I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. I can hear my grandmother echoing those words she learned from her mother. A long line of women in my family have given themselves over to the hope that the universe will serve them well. I think it's time I follow in those foot steps.

For the first time in my life, I don't have a plan. I don't have a vision for my future. I'm willing to take a peek at any open door on my path to see which is the right for me. I'm terrified and I can almost guarantee I'll be stress crying again tomorrow. But when that happens, I'll remind myself to have a little faith that everything will work out in the end.

Have you been struggling with post-grad life or just trying to change direction? Share your story in the comments!